Days of an I.T. Guy

In our present day computer market we are currently experiencing laptop mania. Everybody that’s anybody that’s buying a new computer these days just has to have a laptop. I’m even writing this article from my brand new laptop. Many people don’t even think about purchasing a desktop computer anymore these days. The fact is that many of these people probably would be fine purchasing a desktop.

If you are one that lends a touch more scrutiny to your purchases especially your computer purchases then let’s take a look at the pro’s and the con’s of both types of computers.

Your first major benefit of laptops is of course portability. That is one of the big reasons I bought my laptop. But of course on the flip side of this is because they are so portable they are also very easy to steal. So many laptops are stolen these days – and when they are stolen you not only lose your laptop but the very valuable and sometimes very personal data that is stored on them.

Another benefit of the laptop is it’s footprint. Because they are so portable they are of course very small. You usually have less cables associated with them and your computer and monitor are together all in one. This can be very advantageous if you only have a small area in your home or office to put one. The desktop tends to have the tower and the monitor along with a full size keyboard and mouse. So needless to say you have cables everywhere and you need much more room to operate one. The flip side of this is of course because of the all in one design of the laptop if your computer or monitor go bad you have essentially lost both. Laptops are also proprietary so you won’t find many people other than the manufacturer to work on them. They tend to in my opinion overcharge for repair and take too long in many instances.

One of the biggest differences between laptops and desktops is cost. You can get a much more powerful machine for the same money if you buy a desktop. The premium you are paying for the laptop is simply for the portability – and sometimes for the sleek looking case of the laptop. If gaming is one of your joys you might want to stick to a desktop as you can get much more powerful video cards and sound cards for the desktop machines. Their memory expansion tends to be higher as well for those of you that really like to max out what you have.

If you weigh the pro’s and con’s from above I am sure you can make an informed decision between a laptop and a desktop. Ultimately, buy what you want and what will accomplish what you need it to accomplish. Now I know many of you will want the coolest new toy (I know I am one of them) and that’s fine. I just hope those of you that do understand what you will gain and lose based on your decision. Happy computing.

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Filed under: Opinion, Tips and Tricks

I cannot tell you how many times I have heard things like, “My password reset by itself.”  Or “No, I didn’t actually delete that file.”  I don’t know what you are thinking.  But trust me, we will find out what happened.  We will know if you lied to us or not.  So please, just tell us the truth.  It will make things much easier in the end.

I will never forget the time someone called me saying their laptop keyboard was messed up.  I asked them what it was doing.  They told me just all of a sudden it started making weird chinese looking characters.  I went over to the machine, looked and yes it was doing that.  Nothing I would do would make it stop.  I thought ok I will shut it completely down and pull the battery.  That will give it a good reset.   Here’s the fun part.  When I picked it up and flipped it over hot coffee ran into my lap.  It seems the user spilled a full cup of coffee inside the laptop.    They proceeded to clean it up (the part they could see) to make it look like nothing happened and then called me about the problem but conveniently left out the part about the full cup of coffee.  Hrmm, I wonder if that had anything to do with the keyboard messing up.  Needless to say they needed a new laptop and I wasn’t exactly thrilled about the coffee stains on my pants.  So please, just tell us what really happened.  We won’t get mad.  In reality we will be glad to know that way we don’t waste a lot of time figuring out what is going on.  If you do something stupid to the computer, just tell us.  That way we know how to fix it.  It will make the life of all us I.T. guys so much easier.  And chances are, we will have you back up and running a lot quicker.

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Filed under: Opinion

That is the question that is on the minds of many PC customers these days. So which do you choose? In some cases you may have no choice. Most laptops sold these days come with Vista installed. If you happen to own a copy of XP you can always go back to that but for all of those people out there that don’t you basically have no option. But, for those of you that do, which do you choose? Well the answer really is…it depends. Here are some simple questions you can ask yourself that should help you with the decision.

1. What software do I use? If you have very recent versions of software like Microsoft Office then Vista is the way to go. If you are still running some pieces of software on your computer that are getting on in years you will probably want to stick with XP. Vista has ways to run the older software but for less headaches stick with XP.

2. What peripherals do I use? Now by this I mean your printers, digital cameras, memory card readers, phones, etc. Some of the makers of these products might not have developed the drivers required to run in Vista so you might find yourself with a paper weight instead of a camera when you plug it into Vista. If you run more recent equipment and definitely more name brand equipment you shouldn’t have any trouble finding the drivers for Vista on their websites. Now while time has definitely limited this issue, there are still products out there that haven’t been updated with Vista support. Check with the manufacturer’s of each product before making your decision.

3. How much memory do I have and is my video card qualified to run Vista? Vista uses much more video memory and RAM to run. No ifs, ands or buts. Many people are shocked by this and that surprises me. Newer software needs more resources? Go figure. So if you have lots of RAM and a decent video card go for Vista. Personally I would recommend a minimum of 2GB of RAM and 256MB of video RAM to run Vista and have it perform well. If you are a little lacking in that area stick with XP. You will be happier.

4. How important is the eye candy? Now this might sound like a silly question to ask. But believe it or not it’s important. Just check with Apple and their OS X Aqua interface if you have any doubts. Some of you might really enjoy the eye candy of the Aero effects while others won’t care at all. If you enjoy a prettier desktop with some neat effects then Vista is your choice. Just make sure your computer meets the criteria above before you take the plunge.

There is no doubt that XP is a solid OS that will serve most every user well in their day to day computer needs. But, Vista is not the antichrist of operating systems as it has been touted and it is no slouch either. Vista will by no means change the world of computing, but it does offer some features that can enhance your user experience. If you just ask yourself the questions above I believe you can make the right decision on which OS to choose that will give you the best user experience that can be had.

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Filed under: Tips and Tricks, Windows

Here are a few crazy questions I have actually been asked. Some of them are as crazy as that first list I posted. I will add more later as they come to me.

1. User: “My monitor won’t turn on.”
Me: “Is it plugged in?”
User: “Oh thanks”

2. User: “Excel won’t open my pictures so I can look at them.”
Me: “What? You don’t browse pictures using Excel.”
User: “Oh I see, I need to use Word”
Me: *smacks face

3. User: “Help I have locked myself out of the system.”
Me: “Okay, do you know your password?”
User: “Yes I do.”
Me: “Alright I have unlocked your account. You can log in again.”

A few minutes later…

User: “Help I have locked myself out again.”
Me: “I guess you don’t know your password, do you.”
User: “Yes I do, the system must have changed it for me”
Shakes head.
Me: “How about we go ahead and reset your password and you can start again.”

4. User: “Whenever I print, nothing comes out of the printer.”
Me: Checks printer…documents begin to print.
User: “How did you fix it?”
Me: “I added paper.”

5. User: “The coffeemaker won’t make coffee. Will you fix it?”
Me: “I’m in I.T.”
User: “Yeah well it does have buttons on it.”
Me: Rolls eyes.

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Filed under: For Laughs, Opinion

Ever been afraid of asking us I.T. guys questions because you think they might stupid questions? Well read these and I bet many of you will feel better. These were taken from various places all over the internet and some even come from a Wall Street Journal article. I thought all of you could enjoy a laugh. Some of these I have been asked, some of them even surprised me. But they all made me laugh. Next time I will post some actual silly questions I have been asked in my time as an I.T. guy. Enjoy.

1. Compaq is considering changing the command “Press Any Key” to “Press Return Key” because of the flood of calls asking where the Any Key is.

2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

3. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with photocopies of the floppies.

4. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn’t get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the “send” key.

5. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was “bad and an invalid.” The tech explained that the computer’s “bad command” and “invalid” responses shouldn’t be taken personally.

6. A confused caller to IBM was having troubles printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it “couldn’t find printer.” The user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer but that his computer still couldn’t “see” the printer.

7. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn’t get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, “I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens.” The “foot pedal” turned out to be the mouse.

8. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new computer wouldn’t work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked “What power switch?”

9. Another IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for support. “I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and I had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk, I couldn’t even fit it in…” The user hadn’t realized that “Insert Disk 2″ meant to remove Disk 1 first.

10. In a similar incident, a customer had followed the instructions for installing software. The instructions said to remove the disk from its cover and insert into the drive. The user had physically removed the casing of the disk and wondered why there were problems.

11. True story from a Novell NetWare Sysop:

12. Caller: “Hello, is this Tech Support?”
Tech: “Yes, it is. How may I help you?”
Caller: “The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?”
Tech: “I’m sorry, but did you say a cup holder?”
Caller: “Yes, it’s attached to the front of my computer.”
Tech: “Please excuse me. If I seem a bit stumped, it’s because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?”
Caller: It came with my computer. I don’t know anything about a promotion. It just has ‘4X’ on it.”
At this point, the Tech Rep had to mute the caller because he couldn’t stand it. He was laughing too hard. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder and snapped it off the drive.

13. A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was running it under “Windows.” The woman responded, “No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his printer is working fine.”

14. Tech Support: “O.K. Bob, let’s press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter “P” to bring up the Program Manager.”
Customer: “I don’t have a ‘P’.”
Tech Support: “On your keyboard, Bob.”
Customer: “What do you mean?”
Tech: “‘P’ on your keyboard, Bob.”
Customer: “I’m not going to do that!”

15. Tech Support: I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop
Customer: Ok
Tech Support: Did you get a pop-up menu?
Customer: No
Tech Support: Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?
Customer: No
Tech Support: Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?
Customer: Sure, you told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’

16. Customer: I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message
Tech Support:: Did you install the update?
Customer: No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?

17. Customer: I’m having trouble installing Microsoft Word
Tech Support Tell me what you’ve done
Customer: I typed ‘A:SETUP’
Tech Support Ma’am, remove the disk and tell me what it says
Customer: It says ‘[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk’
Tech Support: Insert the MS Word setup disk
Customer: What?
Tech Support: Did you buy MS word?
Customer: No

18. Customer: Do I need a computer to use your software?
Tech Support: ?!%#$

19. Tech Support: Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the ‘OK’ button displayed?
Customer: Wow. How can you see my screen from there?

20. Tech Support: What type of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one

21. Tech Support: Type ‘A:’ at the prompt
Customer: How do you spell that?

22. Tech Support: What’s on your screen right now?
Customer: A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store

23. Tech Support: What operating system are you running?
Customer: Pentium

24. Customer: My computer’s telling me I performed an illegal abortion

25. Customer: I have Microsoft Exploder

26. Customer: How do I print my voicemail?

27. Customer: You’ve got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print ********, but the computer won’t boot properly
Tech Support: What does it say?
Customer: Something about an error and non-system disk
Tech Support: Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?
Customer: No, but there’s a sticker saying there’s an Intel inside

28. Tech Support: Just call us back if there’s a problem. We’re open 24 hours
Customer: Is that Eastern time?

29. Tech Support What does the screen say now?
Customer: It says, ‘Hit ENTER when ready’
Tech Support: Well?
Customer: How do I know when it’s ready?

30. A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that his Computer is faulty
Tech: What’s the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply
Tech: You’ll need a new power supply
User: No, I don’t! I just need to change the startup files
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You’ll need to replace it
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command 10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don’t normally tell our customers this, but there is an un********ed DOS command that will fix the problem
User: I knew it!
Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes

10 minutes later

User: It didn’t work. The power supply is still smoking
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User: MS-DOS 6.22
Tech: That’s your problem there. That version of DOS didn’t come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes

1 hour later.

User: I need a new power supply
Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?
User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn’t compatible with NOSMOKE

Feel better now?

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Filed under: For Laughs, Opinion